Telephones. Telephones have been my predominant takeaway from a day at Camp Nou watching Barcelona.
Individuals who document each little bit of goalmouth motion on their telephones. Individuals who spend the match striving for the elixir of the proper Instagram pose. Individuals who don’t watch a single kick and scroll by means of their cellphone.
There are moments of high-pitched noise, but in addition lengthy stretches the place you possibly can hear the gamers shout at one another from my seat within the gods.
I took in Barca’s 3-0 win over Levante throughout a weekend in Catalonia, or ticked off Europe’s greatest stadium within the parlance of the cold-blooded Futbology droids who reside amongst us.
However this was barely a soccer match, neither on the pitch nor off it. This was content material thinly disguised as sport, eagerly posted on social media by individuals decided to point out they have been there.
The writer J.G. Ballard as soon as stated, “If you wish to know what the long run can be like, go to an airport.” It’s time we up to date this to a Barcelona recreation at Camp Nou.
Les Corts cemetery
In an effort to assimilate with the locals, I put on denims and a coat on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Sixteen levels is nothing to get enthusiastic about in Spain, even in late February. However the cloudless situations upon exiting Palau Reial metro station are too alluring.
The coat is quickly tied round my waist and I really feel the heat of the solar on my naked arms for the primary time since September. Life immediately feels 10% higher.
Amid the cluster of stalls promoting Barca shirts, scarves and presumably sternums, lies the unobtrusive presence of Les Corts cemetery.
It’s the place I search refuge from the scores of Individuals, inauspiciously decked out in official membership merchandise purchased with disposable earnings far past my means.
The cemetery is stuffed with creative tombs and monuments – Catholics do dying correctly – and is blessed with an arresting quietness. Membership legend Laszlo Kubala is buried right here.
Noises of the residing, together with from the looming Camp Nou, may by no means intrude on the peace of its inhabitants.
We’re an more and more over-stimulated species, incapable of going for a stroll or sitting on the bathroom with out distractions. There’s none of that at Les Corts cemetery and the stillness takes my breath away.
Taio Cruz
The labyrinth of constructing works round this huge stadium means it requires a strolling stick, picnic basket and a detour through France to search out the best turnstile.
Entrance is simple, particularly for somebody conditioned by the invasive airport-style safety at West Ham.
And one look on the iconic stands, even of their two-thirds completed state, is sufficient to soften an outer layer of my cynicism. Barca plan so as to add one other tier and a roof, taking its last capability to 105,000.
The blaring commercialism is turned as much as 11. The membership are actually sponsored by Spotify and the days of carrying Unicef on their shirt really feel very quaint.
Throughout the Spanish Civil Warfare, the membership was actively concerned in anti-fascist actions in opposition to Basic Franco.
Barca had by no means had a front-of-shirt sponsor till 2010, as they didn’t really feel it was in step with the membership ethos.
Now the pre-match warm-up is soundtracked by Taio Cruz, with the upcoming albums of Mumford & Sons and various nobodies marketed on the pitchside hoardings.
Mes que un membership, particularly a nightclub in provincial England from the early 2010s.
Slippers
The precise recreation is over as a contest inside 4 minutes after Marc Bernal had fired previous ex-Brighton goalkeeper Mat Ryan.
Levante had really threatened to attain twice earlier than then, with Hansi Flick’s crew taking part in the type of suicidal highline destined to be uncovered within the Champions League knockouts.
However any succour afforded to the skinny tortilla-slice part of away followers is extinguished 20 minutes later, as soon as Frenkie de Jong doubles Barca’s lead.
De Jong runs the sport, snug sufficient to be carrying slippers. For all the cash invested in English soccer, we nonetheless don’t produce central midfielders of his ilk, each technically achieved and tactically clever.
Pedri comes on later to additional underline this level. At roughly the identical time, Declan Rice’s limitations are being uncovered within the North London derby.
However this isn’t a day for the massive names; Robert Lewandowski is quiet, to the frustration of the substantial Polish contingent that comprises two of essentially the most lovely girls I’ve ever seen.
Raphinha is basically subdued, however at the very least proves he’d be an excellent Grim Reaper as his first contact kills the ball stone useless on a number of events.
I’d been wanting ahead to seeing Lamine Yamal, a participant nearly definitely worth the €90 ticket worth this Europoor stumped up.
He produces some moments of magic, leaving defenders bemused by dragging his foot over the ball.
However he’s not the completed article, with passes shanked out of play and being tackled most of the time. He’s nonetheless solely 18, an age after I was getting paralytic in Kavos. I’ll let him off.
There’s additionally my first actual senior second, as I can not decide the identification of the No. 7 who replaces Lewandowski for the lifetime of me.
It seems to be Ferran Torres, a borderline resignation offence for the editor of a soccer web site.
Crowd
The second half is bitty sufficient to substantiate that is really the cathedral that Johan Cruyff constructed to tactical fouling.
With the sport really fizzling out, earlier than Fermin Lopez clinches the win with a scorcher, my consideration turns again to the gang.
Alongside Individuals and Poles, there are excessive numbers of Japanese, French and British (t-shirt, shorts, heroically refusing to talk any Spanish) individuals right here.
There’s no disgrace connected to consuming popcorn or carrying half-and-half scarves in my part, gadgets that stir a deep rage in lots of cheap football-loving Englishmen.
However there was no ardour both. Apart from a bit of Levante fan behind me, who regarded about 12, scowling and bemoaning his relegation-bound crew with a hangdog expression.
I’m conscious of my hypocrisy, however I’ve been to Actual Sociedad, Valencia and Atletico Madrid as a impartial and none felt as Disneyfied as this.
In the end, this was one other tick on the Barcelona vacationer path for a lot of; see the Sagrada Familia, gawp by means of the Parc Guell, take images of each portray within the Picasso museum.
It’s all profitable stuff for Barca, in a position to cost extortionate costs for one-off tickets to ease their well-documented monetary woes.
Premier League chairmen have busily spent the previous couple of years scrapping concession costs, squeezing out season ticket holders and advertising and marketing their stadiums as vacationer points of interest. This all represents utopia to them.
My vacation studying was George Orwell’s 1984, the long-lasting novel a few dystopian future. In some ways, it’s already right here.
By Michael Lee
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